LAST FUCKING SHOW, MAN!

It's blank/life's last show tonight. It's going to be a great time. I'm going to miss the shit out of nights like these.

Friday 2-06-09 12:28 PM

This woman that works at the US Airways place that I cater every Friday walked into the breakroom where I set up wearing this particular shirt that I've seen probably more than a hundred times. She seemed as if her mid-life crisis rushed into an Usher video.

Said shirt read:

• Authentic
• Nurturing
• Giving
• Enthusiastic
• Loyal

And I asked myself, could it be? Could she be my guardian angel?

Ignorant Asshole

Perpetually Broken, I stumble everywhere. Maybe they were right, out of step, out of tune, out of sync. Can I swallow glass to keep me from spitting these words? I want somebody here, right in front of me, to strip me completely. Make me unlearn everything I've fought to retain. You know, someone tough. Someone not like me. Not an ignorant asshole. I need to be wise, but that's never going to happen. I need someone to fuck me up. When I push myself to conceive that I'm at war with all I'm really the one to fault. I'm at war with myself. I'm an ignorant asshole, and I, I loathe, no, I unbelievably despise ignorant assholes. Just throw me in a courtyard, bound and blinded. Make me eat dirt, Make me frightened. Make me a savior, or even a martyr for all the ignorant assholes. I mean, this is the only possible way I can learn from my mistakes, right? It doesn't matter what our friendship was. It doesn't matter that I could nay receive anymore than I've given away. But, oh, how quickly I forget, I'm an ignorant asshole. I'm darkness plummeting down a neverending hole. I'm an ignorant asshole. Yes, I'm sincere. But I'm sincere about my criticism. I'm sincere with my hate. I'm sincere with my disdain for everything. Compassion? For me? Remember now, young lad, ignorant assholes don't deserve the slightest amount of compassion. I need to be stripped. And you're the chosen one. You can kill me. You can pluck this ignorant asshole out of this world. Come on, boy, you can do it. What are you afraid of? We're all in this together. I hate, judge, and ruin and you fight, save, and give back hope. It's an eternal cycle. It's an everlasting struggle between good and evil. But the crowd knows Good always wins. Ignorant assholes always lose. Ignorant assholes always retire in shame. Ignorant assholes always fail, right? You can't cleanse me. You can't purify me. I'm a goner. Once an ignorant asshole, always an ignorant asshole. Just put me in the grave. Throw me in the lion's den. This isn't about me now. It's about you. It's solely upon you. You bare the brunt of victory. It's always completely about you. Wipe me out. Take me out. Burn me. Make me ash. Come on you fucking genius, stomp me out. I deserve so, right? Of course. I'm an ignorant asshole. Let the congregation know, that everything's a-go. The savior, the martyr, is ready to go. I'm ready to float into the black abyss of nothingness. Or dead some might call it. You threw me in the courtyard, bound and blinded. You made me a savior, a saint, in the name of all ignorant assholes. You stoned me. You hung me. You dragged my carcass around the same pool of dirt you made me partake of. You rid the earth of the ignorant asshole. I'm gone. I'm a goner. Oh, but the memory of the ignorant asshole is still alive. It's feeding upon the thoughts of people like you. It's feeding upon the thoughts of innocent bystanders. My memory is a festering, bloody wound. It's fresh. It's growing. It's like an infection. It will grow to influence. There will be a multitude of ignorant assholes before you have the time to blink. I'm like the sun rotting the eyes out of anything that stares at me. I may be finished, but there will be more. You've failed to remember, no matter how many times you wipe me out, no matter how many times you lock me up, no matter how many times you cross me out, no matter how many times you rid the world of me, no matter how many times you kill this, best friend, there will always be an ignorant asshole.

Hello fake holiday, Hello ladies.

Moving...

I'm moving back to South Carolina the second week in March. I'm going back to school in the fall and for that I'm greatly excited. Actually, I'm semi-excited just to be going back to South Carolina, minus the fact I'm going to back to school. I have to sell almost everything I own to be able to afford going back, but miraculously it's not phasing me much. Out with the old, in with the new. Definitely going to miss some people here. I've met some the raddest people I've ever met here. I won't be gone forever though. In other great news, Matt is coming to visit within the next two weeks and it's gonna be fugggin' awesome. Blank/Life's scheduled last show is Feb. 27th at Justine's and Alice's birthday bash thing. I'm trying to arrange for Blank/Life to play a secret last show at the Shitty Tea-Pot on the 28th, ya know, to commemorate the place and the friends we've made just hanging out there. The next month should have in store some rad and sad (no intent to rhyme) times. Also, I might be going to United Blood in late March. Cro-Mags, Converge, and Coliseum are scheduled to play!!! Off for grub.

You are not your tattoos.

Oh, God...

It's been 3 months since my last confession, Father. I'm an incredibly, dirty, filthy whore. Cleanse me, dear God. Sway me from the shameful sins of the human flesh. Rescue me, Holy Father, from this wicked, tempting, secular world. I'm buring in the sinews of fornication and perversion. Please, oh Jehovah, turn my ungodly life around. Purge me of that new-age disease. Thy rod can comfort me, all night long that is. Fill me with that holy dick, Father. I want to be cleansed. I want to be fucking cleansed!!!! Fuck my sinful, little brains out, goddamnit! Make me whole again. Take me back to the innocence of my childhood. Restore my virginity forevermore. Restore my virginity, then make me come all over the place. You can do it, Father. OOHHHH, YEAH!!! YOU CAN DO IT, FATHER. OH, YEAH...YES!!!! FGEYHHDJSJSUEUE! Make me whole! Make me holy, yeah, just like that! I want to know what holiness is. Teach me you stud. Teach me right. I've been a bad, little secular girl. Fuck me until I'm right. Turn the other cheek, Father. You know what that means. Oh, YEAH!!!!!!! PURGE!!!! DEEPER! PURGE ME!!! PLUNGE ME! TEACH ME,FATHER!!! OH, YES! FUCK YES!! OOHHHHHHHH! NO, YEAH, NOT THERE, THERE!!!! HAHAHA, YEAAHHHH!! YEEHAWWW!! FUCK ME! OH, YES, FUCK ME, FATHER! OOH...OOH...OOHH, YEAH! Yeah! OOOOHHHH!!! AHHH! Ahh...OOHH, YEAH! Ahh... Alright, that'll be $250, Father!

Whoever said that the best remedy for loneliness is to be alone is the fattest liar.